Paint and Pixels

Rerun #3: A Poem Entitled

"Unpregnancy"

(Originally aired May 24th, 2006. Keep in mind, that at this time in my life I had just recovered from two traumatic accidental pregnancies.)


Please tell me congratulations, but I am not with child.
In the drawers of my uterus, unpregnancy has been filed.

The only thing below my ribs, is my belly button, intestines and bladder.
Tell me that you’re so happy for me, but don’t expect me to get any fatter!

Place your hand right here on my tummy to see what you feel.
If you felt something, it was probably just the digesting of a meal.

It was not a new creature kicking or turning.
Inside my body, there are no extra arms or legs or brain that is learning.

So now your job is to throw me a great big shower.
Where we will eat and talk and play games for about an hour.

Everyone will measure my little waist in toilet paper squares- how funny!
And the winner will take home a prize not worth much money.

And all this hoopla will be just because I am not having a baby.
You can all envy me, thinking that you could be like me someday, maybe.

My due date is today and I’m ready to go!
Unpregnancy gives me that special glow.

So please say a prayer that my unpregnancy goes well.
Then go spread the news; there’s so many people to tell!!