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Friday, January 09, 2009

One Last Rerun: Natural Pick-me-ups (From sometime in 2006)

As your personal amateur mental health expert, I thought it would be nice to post some of my favorite natural pick-me-ups. I have been noticing a lot of depressing blogs around here lately, and I thought maybe you guys could glean some ideas on what to do when you have the blues. However, while I may be carrying Tom’s baby (due any day now), through the surrogate soul of Katie Holmes, I am no scientologist, and sometimes nothing can replace good ole modern medicine. What I am trying to say is, if you’re like really really suicidal or going seriously crazy, don’t rely on these remedies. March straight down to your professional mental health expert (or a doctor or whatever) and have them prescribe you an antidepressant that won’t take 2-4 weeks to kick in (cause that can be disastrous). On the other hand, if you have normal everyday hopelessness, what you need is some kind of activity that will cause the release of your body’s own “happy hormones”- like norepinephrine or oxiticin and other ones I can’t remember from 10th grade biology. Anyways, without further ado, these are my favorite natural “release the happy hormone” activities:

1. Sun. Have you ever heard of S.A.D,? I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or something but S.A.D. makes you SAD. It’s when you haven’t been getting enough of what the sun wants to give you, you have S.A.D. So go lay outside or go to the tanning salon. It will make you happy.

2. Shop. Now this can have bad side effects too, so try shopping for something you already need, or shop with someone else’s money, if that is possibly.

3. Elmer’s Glue. Smear some Elmer’s (or a generic brand) glue all over the palm of your hand. Let it dry, then peal it off all in one piece. Then try doing the bottom of your foot. Then try the whole front of your body. If you get it all off in one piece, I bet you could sell it to an art museum or gallery.

4. Eat. This remedy can also have some bad side effects, if you use it too often. But, hey, it might be worth it, right? My favorite comfort foods are: cream of wheat, captain crunch, chickin in a biscuit, and sweetened condensed milk (straight out of the can).

5. Art. I used to believe in the power of art therapy, back when I was trying to get a degree in it. Now I believe in it about as much as I believe in Elmer’s glue therapy or newspaper ripping therapy, or emmersement therapy. But it works, nonetheless. So make a paperclip sculpture or a papier-mâché piñata or paint your face. Just remember that what is important is not the product, but the process.

6. Exercise. This one is pretty obvious, but what a lot of people forget is that the result is not what is important. You’re exercising not to get in shape, but to be happy. My favorite work out routines are yoga and Pilates. Not only are they really easy, but they also involve a lot of stretching, which can give you the same kind of high that muscle building does.

7. Cuddle. I like to cuddle with Roxanny. I love to rub my nose all over the inside of her neck until she screams “MOMMY NOOOOO!!!!!!!”. I also cuddle with Rocket and Matt most of all. If you don’t have anyone to cuddle with, try cuddling with your myspace friend’s profiles.

OK, so, I was gonna list more, but this post is like really long and probably making you more depressed than you already were.

3 comments:

Nichole said...

I wonder if you think I'm your stalker casue I always leave a comment on every post.....:)blogs are my therapy lol

Naomi said...

I would be honored if you were stalking me, Nichole. And then I wouldn't feel so bad about stalking you.

Stephanie said...

Nope- I am your only stalker, I claimed that several years ago. Only one stalker at a time. Thats the rule. My foot. is so horrible. Blistery and pussy and gross. I think its infected. I am limping around and I am supposto teach cycle and yoga TOMORROW!!! . Just a little bit of panicking going on. But I see the cute dr, so maybe he will give me some good foot meds.