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Sunday, August 31, 2008

The End of the Rainbow

As I said in my last post, my life is full of rainbows. While I usually love rainbows, this particular rainbow I call the “rainbow of doom”, because it was seemingly never-ending. I painted it in our church and it meanders down one long hallway, turns the corner and then down another long hallway. I painted it with my airbrush and managed to set off the fire alarm at least a half a dozen times. This picture doesn’t even show half of it. At night I have been having nightmares where people at the church start saying things like “oh lets make the rainbow keep going down another hallway and another hallway and then wrap around the entire church!” and then I attack them by spraying them with my airbrush which I have filled with, not paint, but pepper spray. And then I feel really bad for doing that.

But yesterday was a good rainbow day, because many wonderful souls came to the church to help paint the blue “sky” around the rainbow- probably around a dozen people. I was so happy to see the rainbow project finally coming to an end. I may have been getting a little bit too giddy because at one point I blurted out “We need to have a gay pride festival here now!!!”. That’s when the area fell very silent. My dear husband finally broke the silence by saying, “you would say that, Naomi”. And he would say that (in fact, he does say that quite a few times a day). My comment probably would have gone over better in a different crowd of people.

But speaking of gayness and rainbows, it really is unfair that the gay people have a monopoly on the rainbow symbol to represent diversity. It should belong to every fantastical individual out there. It should belong to conjoined twins, dwarfs, those with speech impediments and those that walk funny. It should belong to extraordinarily ugly people and those who are exceptionally photogenic too. It should belong to people with odd cowlicks and people with weird moles. Most of all, it should belong to people who can’t help themselves from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time (and are named Naomi). It should belong to everyone who God created with crazy nuances and unusual particularities that make this world such a colorful, vibrant and unpredictable place to live.

I love living at the end of the rainbow, waiting to see what colors are coming next. It’s best when I don’t make my own plans, because they never come close to comparing to the colors God comes up with. Tomorrow is Labor Day. I don’t have any plans. I can’t wait to see what happens.

The end of the rainbow.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

OK, don't roll your eyes when

I say this but....

I happen to have the best job in the world.

Full of rainbows, sunshine and really big smiles.

Give me an H


Give me an I


Give me two Ls


Give me an S


What does that spell?

Another season of MTV Reality Drama!! Go team Audrina!!

Monday, August 25, 2008

A Poem About Me...

Washed my face but still have zits.
Put on deoderant but still smellin my pits.
Fed the kids but their still throwin fits.
I'm about to call it quits.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dr Sketchy Surprises
Sunday night's Dr. Sketchy was more... interesting... than usual. Since the venue has moved (once again) to an even "sketchier" location, which resembles a dungeon, I am beginning to think it is establishing a descending pattern with each relocation. None-the-less, we were blessed with an extra bendable model who displayed some poses that made my own body hurt just watching. Her name was Midnight Martini. Also adding spice to the flavor of the night were some new sketchers, one whom, after winning an extra spicy prize, volunteered to join in on the modeling fun. I named this bold volunteer 2am Martini. Ok, so you'll just have to view the pictures to know what I am talking about... but be prepared. Thus, to our surprise, it turned out to be another "two for the price of one" night.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Roxy Creates
I aspired to teach Roxanne her ABCs this summer which proved to be a difficult task. She did mastered the letter E, but not too many other letters, despite
constant conversations about them. However, while her alphabetical skills have not quite flourished this summer, her artistic skills have blossoms more vibrantly than the flowers she plucks from our yard to wear behind her ear. Maybe she will be the eccentric illiterate type.

Here are some of my favorite pieces of artwork from Roxanne this summer (although it was incredibly hard to narrow it down to just five).

Above is a drawing of Roxanne's family. I am not sure who is who.

This is supposedly a picture of me. I'm not sure why I am sad and crying and if this is how she typically envisions me, but it's still cute anyways. Thanks for the great boobs, Roxy!

This is a picture of herself with a flower nose and flower hands and feet.


This one is my personal favorite. I call it "The Puking Egg". Not sure what it means but Roxanne laughed hard while she was painting it, and laughs now everytime she sees it.

This one is kindof scary to me. The only explanation Roxanne gave for it was that it is a girl, because it has eye lashes.

Show Time
The Tiki art show was on Saturday and we had a good time. The art was very impressive and more intimidating than last time. I don't really have too much to say about it. Here's my husband being cute. Ahhhh... he's always cute! And four true peeps showed up to see the show this time. You can see in this picture Matt (who is clearly ready to leave by now), my bro Luke, Clyde from Dr. Sketchy's, and Susee from Dr. Sketchy's also came (but only got part of her arm in the picture). Those who didn't show up.... jerks. I bought another canvas on Saturday with my 40% off coupon from Michael's, but I don't know what will be on it yet. I'm brewing a couple ideas around in my head, but feel free to give me your ideas if you have any (and if you're not gonna charge me for them).

Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Octocurse

I just finished this painting for a show that starts on Saturday. The theme of the show is "Voodoo Spells and Tiki Curses". During the opening of the last show (if you didn't show up to it, you're a jerk), I luckily met a man named "Bob White" who puts on art shows in Denver, with a group he created called "Bad Art for Bad People", and asked me to be in some shows. I guess some people would feel insulted to be asked to participate with a group by that title, but I certainly wasn't. Good art and good people tend to bore me... although the wine and cheese is sometimes an added bonus.

My intentions were to create a style of the painting that would resemble something out of a story book, because lately the kids and I have been very inspired by some of the talented artists that illustrate children's books. We go to the library and only look for books with really cool pictures. Then we look up the illustrator on the library database and check out all of the books illustrated by them. I think it is interesting how illustrations can become so much more intruging and beautiful, because the artist's composition was limited by the boundaries of the plotline of the story. It's an example of how boundaries actually enhance creativity instead of stunting it. Some of our favorite illustrators are Graeme Base, Anna Vojtech and Audrey Colman. Graeme Base is the illustrator of Animalia (his most famous book), which took him over five years to illustrate. Each individual page is truly a masterpeice in itself, and his other books are the same way.

So originally I was thinking that it would be cool to have the title of my painting seem like it was an actually line out of a story book. This was my original title:
"While an unsuspecting victim swims at the surface, the octopus lurked below, clutching his magic tiki mask which he had obtained years earlier from a group of sailors, after he capsized their boat."
The tag information was due last Friday, and when I emailed Bob White my painting information, he replied with a very curt email saying "make the title MUCH shorter". So then I felt pretty stupid, and when I told Matt about it, before I could even get half way through saying my title, he said "well that WAS a pretty stupid title!! What were you thinking?!". He is so comforting when I fail. So then I emailed Bob back with THIS title "The Fatal Octocurse" and then added some remark like this "THAT short enough for ya, HUH?!". But now I wish it was just "The Octocurse", but I don't have the nerve to ask him to change it again. What-ev.

You probably can't tell from my photographs, but this painting has some 3-D elements that extend from the canvas. I did this with a meticulous process involving vinyl floor tiles, paper mache, spackling paste, and a hot glue gun (all products I discovered in my basement). Don't try to do it with play-doh cause it doesn't work.

I included a seahorse in the painting, but no spider or butterfly... can't have it all. Did you know that only male seahorses get pregnant? And that's not referring to male seahorses that used to be female seahorses.

This is a lion fish. It is pretty awesomely creepy looking. It's almost as cool as a leafy seadragon but I didn't put the seadragon in the painting cause I didn't want it to look alienish or sci-fi for those veiwers who are not so educated on real-life creepy sea creatures. If you want to know how creepy the lion fish is, read THIS artical, which I just came across today on MSN. Here is a line out of the artical, that sounds more like a line from a fictional story book, but it is 100% true and if this isn't horrifying, I don't know what is!:
"This may very well become the most devastating marine invasion in history".
Maybe I should make that the title of my painting. Nope. Too Late.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

My Palette

This is my paint palette. I never clean it. I only sometimes clean my brushes, when I remember to. But my paint pallette looks prettier than most of the things I am trying to paint, so I never clean it ever. This is a poem about my paint palette:

Ode to My Lovely Paint Palette:

This is a palette to hold my paint.
You might think it's ugly, but I think it ain't.

It looks like a ill-shapen rainbow.
But I'll never wash it's colors down the drain though.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

More Camping Concoctions

My most recent camping trip inspired a couple more camping concoctions which will surely be included in my cookbook one day. Here they are:


The Smoreo is the marriage of the oreo and the smore. Simply separate the top from the bottom of the oreo cookie, insert roasted marshmallow, and then resandwich the cookie back together. Tada! I suspect that I may not be the first one to discover this goody. It is just too simple.

The Quadruple Stuff Oreo

What could be better than a double stuff oreo? Why, a quadruple stuff oreo ofcourse! Take two double stuff oreos. Remove the tops of both of them, leaving only two bottoms and icing. Discard the tops. Then combine the two bottoms, sandwiching the two double stuffs in the middle, which will double the double stuff. Simple multiplication, yet an extraordinary delicacy!

A Little Ditty About a Fishy...

Come little fishy come.
From that pond I will pluck you from.
Because I want you in my tummy tum tum.

On the door of my tummy, hunger knocks.
So I will take you from the water and rocks.
And put you in a Nilla Wafer box.

A feastful dinner you will inspire.
As we roast you over the fire.
Your tasty goodness I do admire.

Come here now you little fishy.
You’re skin and gills are so squishy.
For you to be on my plate, I do wishy.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The Rockies

On our drive into the Rocky Mountains on Sunday, my dad and Rocket and I listened to the Rockies baseball game against the Marlins on the AM radio. As we pulled into our campground, the game was in the 9th inning, so we left the radio running and opened the doors of the car so that we could listen to them win while we set up the tent. That night, as we sat around the glowing campfire, we wrote this little tale, about the Rockies, and including the names of as many players as we could think of (highlighted in purple).

The Rockies Go To Camp

by Pops, Rocket and Naomi

The Rockies were in the middle of a great season of baseball when they decided that they ought to spend their holliday together, so that they could experience some team bonding. So they called up Camp Saint Francis, the best retreat destination in the Rocky Mountains to register for their upcoming vacation. Upon hearing about the special guests that would be coming to the camp, the director quickly called the new camp cook, who had only been working there about a week, to notify him that the food would have to be extra good for the Rockies baseball players. In a panic, the cook called his friend, the Spanish baker to ask him for some expert advice.
The baker said “First, you must always wipe yor vit on the floor mat before entering the kitchen, so that you don’t track in any dirt. Then you must put your thinking cap on and use every part of your brain- including the corpus callosum, so that you can think your sharpest. Then hawp on over to the pantry where you will need to select a hell-ton of food, because these athletes will need to eat a lot! The biggest hurdle in cooking for players like these, is getting enough protein in their diet, so I suggest using the Atkins diet for them. Also, when cooking beef, you must make sure the grilli is at a willy willy high temperature. If the temperature is tulo, the baseball player will say ‘O-mar gosh! This beef is undercooked!’ Lastly, if you spilly anything while you are working in the kitchen, be sure to wipe it up or else you will have a bar-mes. Any questions?”
The camp cook thought for a while and then said “do baseball players like deserts?” The baker replied “hmm, that’s a good question. Let me think.” So he took off his chef’s hat and scratched his head. When the cook noticed that he didn’t have any hair, he said “Oh! U-baldo!” and the baker said, “why yes, of course, I shave my head as all good bakers do, because I don’t want any hair to get in the food.” The cook appreciated the baker's advice but had one last question. “What should I wear to look best for the Rockies?” The baker then replied “Who do you think I am? Ia-nett-a taylor! Ia ama just a baker!” And to that the cook just sighed and said “oh wells”. As they parted their ways, the Spanish baker waved to the cook and said “hasta la fuentes!”
Thanks to the great advice from the baker to the camp cook, the Rockies had a great time during their retreat at Camp Saint Francis and returned to Denver feeling rejuvenated and ready to finish the season by making it to the playoffs!

Friday, August 01, 2008

Dang teenagers, just aint what they used to be!

This is Juliana, Chloe's big sis, our babysitter, and my lil' friend who's purpose is to remind me that I am not a teenage anymore (something I sometimes forget). So maybe I haven't changed a lot since I entered my third decade of life, but that's not keeping me young cause teenagers today aren't what they were when I was one.... and... I guess I'm not one anymore.
  • They don't watch the "Real World".
  • They can text faster than they can talk.
  • They can text and talk at the same time.
  • They don't understand what "Big Pimpin spendin Gs" means.
  • They actually say (not just type) ridiculous things like "I.D.K." and "effing".... ok I admit I have said "effing" a couple times lately, but I was just kidding.
  • They have a different boyfriend every week... ok maybe I was the only teenager who didn't... I was such a dork.
  • They talk about sex and genitalia the same way they talk about the weather.
  • They enjoy kindergarten crafts.
  • Their parents hardly ever know where they are... maybe my parents were uptight... or maybe they just didn't have a GPS hooked up to my iphone, so they actually had to ask me where I was (which was, like, SO annoying!).
  • AND, the biggest difference between teengers now and then is- skinny jeans- effing ridiculous skinny jeans- even on boys! IDK what the heck they are thinking!

Chloe is our neighbor who has become more like a family member this summer. She is around almost just as often as my own kids are around. But that's OK because she is pretty super awesome.

Almost as awesome as Hannah Montana (notice the earring).

Roxanne looks up to Chloe as an ideal role model. She teaches Roxanne valuable life lessons like cheerleading, fashion, and acting sassy. She also taught her how to do a cartwheel which is a skill every girl needs to have to be successful in life.

Rocket likes Chloe because she is known to coordinate some pretty awesomely wacked out dance-off competitions, and she is almost as good as Rocket at shakin her thang. She's also a rockstar.

I like Chloe because she has flaming red hair and cherry red lips to match, that are always smiling. Her freckles are super cute too. She's also really patient with my kids, even when they are being disgusting maniacs. I also appreciate how she's always willing to strike a pose for my camera, because she has steller super model skills (very important too). Because she's so cool, I pay her in Dino-nuggets and Pepsi. Here are the three amigos in a position I often find them in: