Paint and Pixels

Midnight Schizo

I’m going to tell you something about myself. I am kind of like a werewolf… but not really. Instead of morphing into a wolf at night, I morph into a schizophrenic… or at least that’s the mental disorder I think it is, but I’ve never really had this problem diagnosed, because psychologists (or psychiatrists, or insurance companies that will tell you which one they will cover) don’t work during the hours that my disorder exhibits itself. If I get to sleep before the transformation takes place, then I am safe. However, if my brain wheels and gears and turbines start rotating too rapidly before bedtime, then there is no slowing them down (whatever you do, don’t stick your finger into them while they are spinning or it will surely get chopped it off). If I maintain my ordinary before-bedtime rituals, then I can usually prevent this from happening. But if something throws my system off, then I am likely to stay late into the night, with the brain of an insane person.

Sometimes I get these huge “delusions of grandeur” that cause me to plot out huge schemes. One time I spent the night planning out a high school reunion. Once I spent the night determined that I would adopt conjoined twins (I didn’t even bother considering whether any were even UP for adoption). Usually I stay up mentally writing letters to people I haven’t talked to in years- like a lengthy apology letter to this housekeeper that lived with us when I was in kindergarten. I kicked her in the stomach one time, and for some reason the guilt associated with that experience surfaced during one of my late night insanities. It’s like if something gets into my head, I can’t go to sleep until I have tackled and wrestled it down, otherwise it will frolic and fester in my brain all night long. But usually by the morning, I am able to realize that my thinking was so irrational the night before, and I have to tone down the ideas I have come up with before they are actually doable.

So the night before last, I was on track for bedtime with my normal bedtime routine. I had drank two bottles of water with one packet of tea. I had gone to the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth, checked the doors, and then went to check my email before turning off the computer (oh my gosh, this sounds so OCD). I have to check my email before turning off the computer, because if I turn off the computer with an email marked “new” in my inbox, I will envision that email rotting in my computer all night. It screams too… while it rots. So anyways, I check my email- which I knew would have nothing new, but I just had to check to make sure. And I did, in fact, discover a new email. It was announcing a new art show coming up at the end of this month sponsored by Dr. Sketchys. That sent my brain wheels spinning violently out of control. I was expecting the next art show to be in October, and I have been steadily working on a piece for the show, but this new news would have to be dealt with- all night. I tossed and turned all through the night thinking about what I should do about it. I determined that I must at least paint 12 pieces of art- one for each session of Dr. Sketchy’s that I had been to. And I would have to raise money to be able to buy that many canvasses, and maybe someone would be interested in investing in my art, and that would help to front the cost of supplies, blah blah blah blah blah.

By morning time, I had come to my senses. One piece of art would be enough. I could already afford one canvas (especially with this week’s Micheals 40% off coupon). I decided to put my current painting on the back burner while I worked on painting an acrylic version of the Honey Touche watercolor I did a while back- cause that was my favorite one. As you can see, I was working on a sortof impressionist style. So while painting, I tried to channel the painting spirit of Clyde. I’m not sure if I made any contact with him, but I think he might have said to use bigger brush strokes. Then I asked my lowly acrylic paints to channel the spirits of his superior oil paints. I don’t think that they complied.

Alright, I’m sure you’ve notice how long and convoluted this blog has become. That is because I wrote it in my head last night while I was insane and not sleeping. I think it was because I had been painting before sleeping, and usually I don’t do that. Usually I paint while the sun is up so I have a lot of light. But I’ve realized that my midnight schizophrenic self uses much more interesting words that my normal self… which is a good thing. But she also rambles, which isn’t so good. Good thing I have nailed this subject down into some typed out words so I can sleep tonight. I’ve also now posted it on the internet just incase my computer crashes- otherwise this blog would be trapped in my computer, rotting and screaming forever. Thanks for reading. Goodnight.