Here are two emails that I have sent to Matt at work within the last 24 hours. If I went back further, I could find many more.

Email #1:

"Matt, I just had one of the worst experiences of my life. I went to the library cause I wanted to check out a book to read on the plane, and so I let the kids check out some books too. Roxanne was pulling books off left and right and screaming for no reason. When it was time to go, Roxanne threw the biggest temper tantrum ever. She was running away from me and I couldn't catch her. I was chasing her up and down the book aisles and she was screaming at the top of her lungs like I was trying to abduct her. And everyone just stopped what they were doing and was watching us. Once I did catch her, I couldn't carry her (kicking and screaming) and our books. It didn't occur to me to just leave the books there. Finally someone came and took the books and told me to just walk to my car, and they put the books in the car for me. But then I could not get her buckled. And when I did get her buckled, I couldn't KEEP her buckled. I just sped home and told Rocket to slap her every time she would start to unbuckle. He would smack her with his shoe every time she would start to unbuckle. She is locked in her room now. I was going to go to kinkos on the way home to pick up my order, but I didn't. Something is wrong with our daughter... I never experienced anything even close to that with Rocket."

Matt's response:
"do you need me to go by kinkos on the way home"

My response to Matt's response:
"Seriously, is that all you have to say?"

Email #2:
"Matt, I just spent 15 minutes trying to get roxanne's head unstuck from behind the toilet. It got stuck between a steal pipe and the side of the toilet in her bathroom. I don't know how. Everytime I would try to pull her out, she would scream louder. The louder she would scream, the more I would want to just leave her there, cause it was so freakin loud. I finally got her out but she is angry at me and saying that I pulled her ears off."

Matt's response:
"that's funny"

Does anyone want a little girl?

Cheryl and her Camera

There is this one person named Cheryl, that I feel so lucky to know for so many reasons. She is the answer to multiple prayers, all in one person. I guess God's trying to kill a few birds with one stone, so to speak. She went to Dr. Sketchy's with me on Sunday, and took some pictures, which I am posting here for you to see. She is either an extremely skilled and talented photographer, or she has a magic camera. Either way, I am a little jealous. However, it is fun to be the subject, instead of behind the lense, for a change.

The above pictures show off my greek goddess-like nose of which I am very proud of. These are my sketching hands.
And that's the back of me, and beautiful JenLaPetiteMort.

WARNING WARNING!!!! This blog may be offensive to some viewers! For mature audiences only! Viewer discretion is advised!!!!


I put that disclaimer there so that I can avoid any criticism from sensitive blog viewers.

Yet again- Dr. Sketchys

Last night's Dr. Sketchy's event was extra fun. I brought along my super fantastic photographer friend with me, and I know she took some awesome pictures, but I am yet to obtain them myself. I will post them when I do get a hold of them.

Also Dr. Sketchy's moved to a new, more ghetto, area of town, and is being held at The Pink Elephant Room- a place that looks nothing like its name.

Anyways, the model was an incredible little ladie, named JenLaPetiteMort, who was a hulahooper, devil, rollerdoll, and everything else you could possibly want in a woman. Here are my pictures:

100 Reasons I Love Matt

It has recently been noted by a few of my blog veiwers that I have expressed admiration for a number of people besides my husband. Just incase it wasn't clear, I would like this post to show that I am 100% in love with my man- even if I do draw other men or what not. Matthew has an adverse reaction to compliments- he doesn't like them. So this will probably make him very uncomfortable. Here are 100 reasons I love Matt. Keep in mind that I came up with the number 100 before I actually thought of 100 things, so some of them are a little random, but nontheless very true. Also some of them are inspired by shortcomings I have observed in other men.

1. His armpits never stink
2. When someone misuses the word “literal”, he always glances over at me letting me know that he, too, is disgusted, even though he won’t admit it.
3. He tickles my back in the middle of the night.
4. He administers the paying of bills.
5. He cleans out the car
6. He always says “footsies” instead of “feet”
7. He always says “toesies” instead of “toes”
8. He forwards me any good emails he gets at work
9. He doesn’t let me know when he spends all day at work in the treat room, because he doesn’t want me to feel left out.
10. He watches MTV reality shows with me.
11. He always drives when we go somewhere together
12. He always loves whatever I make him for dinner even if it is gross
13. I can say my husband is a Rocket Scientist
14. He understands how precious Roxanne is
15. He knows how awesome Rocket is
16. He hates stupid people too, even though he wont admit it
17. His shirts are soft
18. He doesn’t yell at me
19. He yells at the kids when they are mean to me
20. He gets up earlier than me
21. He’s warm
22. He doesn’t wear a helmet
23. He likes my dancing
24. He’s nice to me if I cry
25. He doesn’t do drugs
26. He can tell when someone is a wacko within 5 seconds of meeting them
27. He doesn’t cheat on me
28. He never overeats
29. He isn’t moody
30. He takes the kids to kids’ movies
31. His legs are very muscular, even when the rest of him gets fat
32. He’s not as fat as some husbands are
33. He deals with Roxanne when I cant
34. He’s not ugly, except when he makes that ugly face.
35. When he hangs something on the wall, he always makes sure it’s screwed into a stud and not just the drywall.
36. He loves the kitty
37. The kitty still loves me more than him
38.. He’s good at the parts of Cranium that I am not, so we make a good team and always win.
39. If I am out of shampoo in the shower and I bang on the wall, he knows what it means.
40. He doesn’t throw things at the kids
41. He doesn’t throw things at me
42. He doesn’t say anything if I don’t do laundry for five weeks (dishes are different though).
43. He won’t leave me if I get fat someday, in fact, he will like me more because he can pretend there is two of me.
44. He thinks that I have cut my hair even when I haven’t
45. He always asks me how my day was when he gets home.
46. He sleeps as if he is lounging on the beach
47. He doesn’t wear emo pants
48. He weighs more than me, and that makes me feel good.
49. He’s not hyperactive
50. He hardly ever has bad breath
51. He wants to know the details of every conversation I ever have
52. He bought me a pretty sweater for Christmas
53. He made sure the kids got me Christmas gifts
54. He makes good milkshakes
55. He makes good strawberry margaritas
56. When I insult him, he smiles back
57. He lets me eat off of his plate and always gives me the best bite
58. He has to get up earlier than me in the morning
59. He made me a really yummy birthday cake
60. He can think very fast
61. He never forgets to check the mail
62. He gets the oil changed for our cars
63. He is a good spooner
64. He is an alright spoonie
65. He doesn’t ride his bicycle in the house
66. His kisses taste like beer
67. This one can’t be publicized
68. If I am puking, he will usually make himself dinner
69. This number says it all
70. He sometimes tickles my arm in church
71. He doesn’t get volatile when he is drunk
72. He likes my butt
73. We always agree about what the verdict should be on 48 hours mystery
74. It’s fun to have secret affairs with him in the middle of the day when both kids are in school
75. This one is secret too.
76. He doesn’t carry a sword
77. He has pretty good morals
78. He doesn’t care that I’m not the safest mom
79. He gets excited about doing taxes
80. He does the taxes
81. He has a job
82. He is potty trained- mostly
83. He doesn’t drive drunk
84. He can always pick out a perfect greeting card for me
85. He watches the kids while I go out on dates
86. He has never b.b.i.b.ed
87. He puts on cologne before going to bed
88. He hangs out in the messy room with me at night.
89. He comes home after work
90. He loves me even though I usually stink
91. We’ve watched each other grow up
92. He doesn’t tell me that they pass out cotton candy and corn dogs at work because he doesn’t want me to feel left out.
93. He doesn’t have a double chin
94. He doesn’t have a mullet
95. He doesn’t tell me that there is a belly dancer at work because he doesn’t want me to be jealous
96. He tells me about all the conversations of coworkers in cubicles next to him
97. He almost always says “I love you” before going to sleep at night.
98. He doesn’t play golf
99. He’s never had B.O.
100. He’s taking me on a cruise next week!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Valentines Day Matt! I have a card for you at home.

This post is for my dad...

We are finally painting the bird house- me and Rocket. We're compromising and doing it together. You are in charge of hanging it somewhere outside while we are out of town. Rocket told me that that would surely not be a problem for you. He said that there is only one person out there that knows how to do more things than you, and that is LeVar Burton (from Reading Rainbow).

Rocket is apparently a better kid than I was cause the birdhouse he built with you is way better than the birdhouse I built with you.

Look at those cool brain waves too... he's such a smart kid... probably because he watches so much Reading Rainbow.

Necklace Goes Under the Knife

Ok, I know that these pictures look a little bit obscene, but when you see this kitty layin around like this all day, it starts to look really funny. Necklace went in for surgery on Monday to be spayed. Now she has a bald belly and stitches. Perhaps laying on the stitches hurt, because she has spent all week laying on her back with her naked belly and sutures exposed. The only time she has gotten up is when she hears the toilet flush, because she just can't resist seeing it going down. She is still her super affectionate, somewhat demanding self.

Hey!!! This is my blog, and I can write about what I want to!!!!!!!!!

It's Back

There are some times when I stop and wonder if the dialogue between me and God that constantly runs through my head is really a conversation, or just the illusion of it. Every thought, idea and prayer that I have is a response to something physical, or the lack of something physical. And every physical thing is fleating. But God is constant. He is not what I make of him in my head... or even in my heart. He just is what he is. I pray that he will have grace and mercy on my fleshly, material, lustful soul.

And he already has... I think.

It appears that God read my blog and perhaps realized that my greedy ways will never be abolished, but that my recognition of my shortcomings merited the return of my beloved camera back down from heaven, into the pocket of my jacket, so that I can return (humbly this time) to my sinful ways, knowing more than ever how much I need the grace of God.

The last place I remembered seeing my camera, was at church. I assumed I had left it there, and have fully annoyed the church staff, asking them to search for it. This is the last picture I took with my camera- a mural I had just finished painting at the entrance of the children's ministry:

I have not, therefore, I am not.
My camera is absent. I have not officially declared it as "lost" or "gone" yet, because I still have some hope that it will turn up. I don't feel guilty about misplacing it, because I don't think that I was handling it irresponsibly. I just supernaturally… perhaps divinely… disappeared without a trace. Oddly enough, this happens to my things all of the time. If this phenomenon is, in fact, controlled by a divine power, than God is probably messing with me in order to show me how UNdivine I am.
Having to live without my camera has shed some light on the fact that I am insanely addicted to material things. I thrive on material things and they create my identity. Without something substantial to define who I am, I am nothing. Without a camera to document my experiences, the experiences aren't even worth having to me. Without something tangible to memorialize a characteristic of myself, I am not sure it even exists. I have been aware of this character flaw for a while, even though I try to deny and ignore it. Refer back to the blog entitled "I can't get no satisfaction". Shortly after I wrote that blog, my art bag (with every art supply I ever owned in it) got stolen out of my car while we were staying in a hotel on our move back to Colorado. I didn't write about that event or tell many people about it, because it was too painful and devastating to me at the time. Without an airbrush, and paint tubes, and paint brushes, and drop clothes, and messy apron, I am not really an artist. I am slowly replacing each one of those items… and slowly buying myself back.
Even my blogging is, in a way, a physical thing that I use to create who I am. Even though, in essence, a blog is only a pattern of glowing pixels, it is tangible in a very visual sense, especially myspace. If I didn't have a myspace profile, I would not know who I was. I would not know "about me" or "who I want want to meet" or my "general interests" or even my zodiac sign.
My dependency on material possessions is why I am so human. I have a body and eyes and nose and hands, and they make me who I am. When you are content to have your identity being defined by your spirit, that is divine. That is what I wish I wanted to strive for… but I don't. I wish I could find my camera.