Goodbyes...

Another thing that has made this last year particularly sad has been all the good byes. There has been a lot of them. Besides losing some friends that were probably worth losing, there were also some friends I didn't want to say goodbye to. Like Colleen. She was wonderful and I loved sitting around listening to her witty jokes. But she had moved here from the East coast and I think her soul never left Maine, and so last month she moved back there.



Also Jodi. She left a couple weeks ago and is going to Scotland for Steve to go to school there. I don't think I had ever had a friend like her. She understood my spiritual side and my artistic side and how they go together. I gave her this little list of things that we did together that were good memories. I blurred out the ones that were inappropriate or personal, so you can't see those.

I was going to write something hopeful, like "now I'm ready to make new friends". But I'm kind of not. I don't really have time for people. Perhaps I should change that. I'll decide later though.

The good thing is, there is one friend that has stuck around for a long time, my best friend- Matt. It's a good thing I've had him, because he gives me a whole lot of hugs, even when I don't want them, but especially when I am sad. And I would hate saying goodbye to him- that's why I don't wake up every morning at 7am when he's leaving for work.

Goodbye. For now.

ANXIETY

There is a lot of things I could post about... but anxiety seems to have taken over my life, possessing me into a person I never thought I was or could be. I'm writing this, not only so that you will understand my erratic posts, but also so that maybe you will forgive me for any way I have let you down in the last week... or month... or year. Just please give me some grace by thinking that that was not the "real" me. And if it WAS, in fact, the "real" me, please pray that I can somehow return back into the fake me- because the other me was way more functional, happy, stress free, better wife and mother. There is a chain of gears that have come off of its track on my bike, but I'm still trying to peddle.

I just reread this post and realized its one of those blogs posts that I HATE. I hate general posts that give no real information. Example of a terribly vague post:

"Hi peoples! As you might already know, there is a lot of stuff going on in my life right now. It's pretty important stuff that really has to be dealt with, and it involves a lot of important people- you guys know who you are. I'd just like a lot of prayer and support during this difficult period that could last for quite some time. Pray that the doctors will have wisdom and the this friend would make the right decision as it will be effecting both her and I as well as many other people for probably the rest of our lives. I can't really tell you the details, but I think you get the gist of it."

OK.... so my interpretation of this...

• "A lot of stuff going on"? You're getting a divorce.
• "It's pretty important stuff"? This must involve the cops or FBI then, at the very least, lawyers.
• "It involves a lot of people"? Mafia.
• "Prayer and support for difficult period"? Yeah, all women deal with that "period" once a month...
• "could last for quite some time"? 5-7 days may SEEM like forever, but really it isn't, so buck up and deal.
• "Pray that the doctors have wisdom"? Fatal disease, cancer, heart attack.
• "Friend making the right decision"? Abortion.
• "I really can't tell you the gist of it but you get the gist...." yeah I get the gist! You're an overly dramatic attention hungry blogger who wants me to feel left out of your super juicy secrets!!! That's what I get! If the information is too sensitive to blog about... then DON'T blog about it!!!

PHew... anyways... I don't really have any specific juicy information about why I am dealing with a lot of intense anxiety... it could be a combination of things: a hurtful (and backstabbing) separation from our former church family, Matt and I interacting differently than we used to, having the kids home for the summer, a sudden concentration of demands from our family, not being able to paint for virtually the entire summer while the kids are out of school.... that's all I can think of right now... oh wait... I forgot about dishes and laundry and mopping- which I've decided I will cross off the list because it really isn't necessary- especially if you where shoes inside the house.

OK, now Matt is having anxiety about what I might be publicly saying about my anxiety. Now I am having anxiety about his anxiety about my anxiety. But I just got a new tattoo which I think will bring about an improvement in this anxious situation. Tattoos have been know to do that. I'll show you a pic later. Actually, just typing this out was therapeutic and soothing to my soul... perhaps I should do it more often.

This video is really poor quality and doesn't have any sound, but it's only 11 seconds long so watch it anyways...

We've Painted Today.....

Now I think we'll go slip and slide or something....

I'm Painting Today

No, the kids haven't gone back to school yet... but I have started painting preemptively. The kids aren't helping much... well, not that I want them to help with my painting- I would just like them to stop NOT helping me. You know what I mean.

The painting isn't done. It's for a store in Old Colorado City. I will show and tell you more about it after Friday when it is done.... well, lets hope it gets done.

Stickers for Miss. Firefly

This is kindof old news. Oh well. These are the stickers that I designed for Miss. Firefly that she will sell at shows as she travels and performs. They will be printed on 2 inch by 3 inch rectangle stickers. Of course, any art involving the delightful Miss Firefly is always great fun for me to do, but this was especially fun because I was experimenting with digital painting. After reading "Tickets to Ride" and reading about how all of those illustrations were digital paintings about carnival themed stuff, I had a great idea. Wouldn't it be cool to create a whole book of these kindof of carnival poster-like pictures? I could feature a different exciting side-show character with interesting deformities or physical features on each page. Conjoined twins, lobster girls, limb deficient people, and of course penguin boy.... super colorful, playful and joyful. It would be fun I think. I think kids would like it. Dreeeeeeam dream dream dream (that song... I'm singing that song... you know).
I wish I had more to say because right now my kids are fixing my hair and it feels SOOOO good. Rocket just said, "We're the company that works for you, mom!" Oh yeah... this is good work. Keep going. Keep going.

Today...

Today I actually exercised for the first time in a couple weeks. It felt so good. And it's giving me a little taste of what life's gonna be like in less than two weeks... 13 days to be exact- not that I am counting them down or anything. When I finished my workout, I found Roxanne sporting this fabulous look that she created for herself.


Roxanne likes to paint her face often. I liked to do that too, when I was a kid. Picture: I think I was probably twice Roxanne's age in this picture though. I used to also write poems to go along with my different face paintings... I don't think I have the poem that went with this one anymore though. It probably wasn't that good anyways.
I'm actually just forcing myself to post a blog today. That's why I am posting this... because I am keeping a commitment to blog for the purpose of self betterment. I'm trying to figure out how to post from my phone, so if you see any strange posts, that's why... it only works if I don't attach a picture.

Sorry we've been gone... we've been reading

My absence from my blog this summer has many reasons. The biggest one is that my kids are out of school, making it nearly impossible to do much other than spend time with them. Even painting has had to take a back burner this summer. Well... except for painting with bubbles and painting murals on the fence and painting faces and legs and feet... and whatnot... but not real painting.
I've been spending quite a lot of time admiring someone I used to know who was able to spend the summer crafting everyday, exercising, making delicious meals, all while maintaining a blog. She was me two summers ago, and I'm quite jealous of her. Not sure how she did it.
We've done a LOT of reading this summer, so I thought, what better way to break back into the blog than by sharing some of our favorite and most unfavorite kids' books that we've discovered at our local library.

First, our favorites:

1. Here Comes The Garbage Barge!


Typically, we choose our books from the library by looking for those with good illustrations. Luckily, this one had an interesting, and thought provoking true story to go along with it. It's all about trash.

2. The Man Who Walked Between The Towers



The illustrations in this one weren't anything too special, but the story was. Rocket found the book and recognized the story from a true documentary that we watch about it a couple years ago, called "Man on Wire". The book was a good childrens' version of the documentary. We read the book quite a few times before it was due back at the library!

3. Ticket to Ride



I chose this book JUST for it's illustrations- and it was worth it just for them. The words are cute too, but the illustrations are what made the book. It took us a good half hour to finish the book because we spent a lot of time looking at each picture. Whenever I read a really really good book, I make a point of emailing the author- because authors aren't really celebrities, so I've found that they don't tend to get irritated by fan mail. They seem to appreciate hearing from someone whose read their book. He emailed us back and gave us some more insights into the illustrations, and told us some fun things to look for! We also requested that the library buy his other two books, and they said that they would. We can't wait for them to come in!

4. Charley Harper: An Illustrated Life

We picked up this book one day when I was running by the library to pick up a book for myself that was on hold. Roxanne asked if she could get a book too, but we already had a lot of books out so I told her she could get ONE book. So she chose THE BIGGEST book in the library- which was this one. It is 20 inches long and almost 15 pounds! The art of Charley Harper has a beautiful simplicity to it, and we found that it was very inspiring for the kids own artwork! We accidentally returned this book VERY VERY late because it was so large and it wouldn't fit on my library book bookshelf, so I put it somewhere different and forgot about it for a while. Oops.

5. Charley Harper Coloring Book


We didn't actually get this one at the library. I got it at the Denver Art Museum gift shop. When I saw it, I remembered how much Roxanne loved the illustration in the huge book, so I got her this coloring book, which has colorless versions of some of the best pictures in the larger book. Roxanne has been making some beautiful watercolor paintings with it!

Now, our Unfavorite Books

I feel a bit foolish admitting to checking these books out, because their titles should have been dead give aways that these were bad books. But somehow I doubted the titles and suspected that they would have happy endings. They didn't... proving that you SHOULD, in fact, judge a book by its cover- or at least by the title on its cover.

1. Michael Rosen's Sad Book


As it says, this book is sad. Really sad. Too sad for kids. I felt like crying. The kids said it was just boring, not really sad, but maybe they are insensitive.

2. How to Cook Children


After only one page of this book, I had read just about every word that I have forbidden my own kids from saying. It also touched on many gruesome and crude subjects I didn't want to have to explain the meaning of. That's when I shut it and refused to keep reading, and the kids were very upset. They said that so far, it had been the best book they'd ever read. They have bad taste in books sometimes.

Only two more weeks left before the kids go back to school! We finished our library reading charts today and plan on going to the library this afternoon to redeem them for Elitches tickets. Happy Summer reading to you too!