Paint and Pixels

ANXIETY

There is a lot of things I could post about... but anxiety seems to have taken over my life, possessing me into a person I never thought I was or could be. I'm writing this, not only so that you will understand my erratic posts, but also so that maybe you will forgive me for any way I have let you down in the last week... or month... or year. Just please give me some grace by thinking that that was not the "real" me. And if it WAS, in fact, the "real" me, please pray that I can somehow return back into the fake me- because the other me was way more functional, happy, stress free, better wife and mother. There is a chain of gears that have come off of its track on my bike, but I'm still trying to peddle.

I just reread this post and realized its one of those blogs posts that I HATE. I hate general posts that give no real information. Example of a terribly vague post:

"Hi peoples! As you might already know, there is a lot of stuff going on in my life right now. It's pretty important stuff that really has to be dealt with, and it involves a lot of important people- you guys know who you are. I'd just like a lot of prayer and support during this difficult period that could last for quite some time. Pray that the doctors will have wisdom and the this friend would make the right decision as it will be effecting both her and I as well as many other people for probably the rest of our lives. I can't really tell you the details, but I think you get the gist of it."

OK.... so my interpretation of this...

• "A lot of stuff going on"? You're getting a divorce.
• "It's pretty important stuff"? This must involve the cops or FBI then, at the very least, lawyers.
• "It involves a lot of people"? Mafia.
• "Prayer and support for difficult period"? Yeah, all women deal with that "period" once a month...
• "could last for quite some time"? 5-7 days may SEEM like forever, but really it isn't, so buck up and deal.
• "Pray that the doctors have wisdom"? Fatal disease, cancer, heart attack.
• "Friend making the right decision"? Abortion.
• "I really can't tell you the gist of it but you get the gist...." yeah I get the gist! You're an overly dramatic attention hungry blogger who wants me to feel left out of your super juicy secrets!!! That's what I get! If the information is too sensitive to blog about... then DON'T blog about it!!!

PHew... anyways... I don't really have any specific juicy information about why I am dealing with a lot of intense anxiety... it could be a combination of things: a hurtful (and backstabbing) separation from our former church family, Matt and I interacting differently than we used to, having the kids home for the summer, a sudden concentration of demands from our family, not being able to paint for virtually the entire summer while the kids are out of school.... that's all I can think of right now... oh wait... I forgot about dishes and laundry and mopping- which I've decided I will cross off the list because it really isn't necessary- especially if you where shoes inside the house.

OK, now Matt is having anxiety about what I might be publicly saying about my anxiety. Now I am having anxiety about his anxiety about my anxiety. But I just got a new tattoo which I think will bring about an improvement in this anxious situation. Tattoos have been know to do that. I'll show you a pic later. Actually, just typing this out was therapeutic and soothing to my soul... perhaps I should do it more often.